sigh!

All is right with my little blogging world!

Yes, I am that shallow.

But please don’t fault me too much. A girl like me just can’t help it. I have grown accustomed to your visits. Like any other blogger (who is willing to admit it) I find myself planning on blog posts on a day to day basis. I imagine that you too will be amused or righteously indignant over the latest adventure here under the Big Top. My darling husband and my circus clowns narrow their eyes as they point accusing fingers and declare that I m planning on blogging this moment under the Big Top. I can’t believe that I have become that transparent.

Still just one evening here at the new Big Top site and I find that I have visitors. Oh it is so wonderful to have you here! It’s like having the welcome wagon here ready to help me feel at home. Thank you for finding me and following me over here!

Still as I am arranging the furniture, putting away the dishes and hanging the pictures around here, I find myself wanting to go back to visit my old home. It’s my nature I guess. I still drive by our old house in San Jose. I must confess here that I am so disappointed that the current resident chopped down the mulberry tree in front of the old house. I bet they regretted it on the first hot summer day. The Blogger site will remain for a bit just in case my bitch~kitty decides to go back or I discover that I forgot something. I always forget something, you know. It’s all part of the adventure of moving for me.

Meanwhile there is plenty of other things to distract me and inspire me: returning my new Fendi glasses, the Pumpkin Fair and photographing it for a local business (squee!!), working at Dell’Osso Farms Pumpkin Maze to raise $$ for my cheerleader and tiny dancer, and working extra hours to pay for an outrageous cell phone bill…2000 texts this month?…$700??…WTF? I thought we had a FamilySharePlan! Kid I have to tell you that thank God He made you cute.

Do you want me to link you up here? Leave a comment so I will know to add you to my blog roll.

Monday Patio Photo Shoot

John Scalzi writes:

Your Monday Photo Shoot: On Your Porch/Patio

It’s going to hit about 98 here today, and I don’t feel like moving around much, and I expect most of the rest of you don’t either. So here’s a quick and easy Photo Shoot for the Week:Your Monday Photo Shoot: Show us something interesting on the porch or patio of your house or apartment. For those of you with neither, fire escapes and window sills will suffice.

Compared to Scalzi-land, it is downright chilly here at 88°! Seriously, this is so nice after that awful, deadly baking we had for two weeks this month. I have been enjoying this “cold snap” by turning off the air conditioner and opening up the windows to let the breezes in.

We also have been taking advantage of the change in the weather to get outside and take care of some yard work or just riding our bikes and trikes.

Aaahhh! Fresh air! This is how summer should be.

It almost makes me forget that $500 utility bill for the month of July.

what would I do with cash to spare?

Yesterday was payday under the Big Top and that is always a good day. In spite of what the “experts” might say about dual-income families, we are not rolling in the dough. We do not have tons of material goods: no big screen tv, no tv or computer in every room of the house, no Game Boy, X-box or any other toys like that. I only wish for fancy pedicures and spa days. Our last vacation as a family where we actually went somewhere was in 1992 and it was just Holly and Zoë back then.
No, we are not blessed with a huge disposable income. Sorry to disappoint the experts out there. We live pretty much paycheck to paycheck just like most Americans. We do know that one reason is because of poor choices we made when we were younger. But we have learned the hard way about living the American way on credit. It took a long time to pay for the mistakes we made but because of them, we live differently. We carry a one mortgage and one car payment. And although we do have one credit card with a low balance everything else is in cash including those three sets of braces we currently have. So payday for us is bill paying day (my electric bill for those two weeks of triple digit temperatures is $500 and our ac was never set below 82°!) and re-stocking the pantry day.
So last night, after paying the current bills, I went grocery shopping to stock up the empty pantry. It didn’t take long to fill up that cart. While I unloaded my groceries onto the conveyer at the checkout, I couldn’t help but overhear the transaction ahead of me. The lady with her two small kids in the cart was having problems paying for her cart load. Her total was just over $90 but her bank card was declined. She kept trying and trying over and over again. She then began to remove items. Still her card was declined each time she tried. The clerk was getting rather exasperated with her. My heart really went out to this young woman and her kids. If I could I would have stepped up and covered the purchase. But after paying the bills I knew that I didn’t have the cash to spare. I wish I did. Someone once did that to me years ago. I was so embarrassed and yet so grateful. The person did it with no expectations in return except my thanks. I never saw that woman again but I will never forget her kind act. She will never know how much it meant to me. Someday I will pay it forward.
In the meantime, all I could do was say a quick silent prayer for that woman ahead of me as she picked up her children and walked out of the store without her groceries. God bless her.

the beautiful smiles cruise

It was just nine months ago that we had a GREAT idea for our family. We ran into some friends at our kids’ spring band concert and noticed their tans, relaxed postures and the braids the ladies had. They all looked fabulous so we had to ask how did they all come about this new look. The answer was simple. They had just returned from a 7 day cruise vacation…the whole family: mom, dad and three kids.
Steve and Dara shared how much fun they all had and how the vacation had something fun everyday for all of them: adults to teens to kindergartener. Of course we were jealous. There was no big, fun vacation planned for us because I had just started a new job; not to mention the cost prohibitive factor of a cruise vacation for our circus act. But Dara disagreed, at least on the cost point. She then gave me the price tag of their package.
Hmmm….
That’s all?!
Now I was even more jealous.
But then I got to thinking about it all. Steve is a high school science teacher and works part time as one of the high school track coaches. Dara is a SAHM. They carry a mortgage and other bills just like us and yet they could afford this vacation. Of course they did plan and budgeted for several months prior. But still, they could afford this.
Hmmmm….
Why couldn’t we I asked myself and then Bill. We talked it over and decided with a year to save and plan we too could afford a family cruise vacation. The prices for our planned cruise for the seven of us for 7 days was indeed surprisingly affordable. How exciting. We actually were planning a big, fun, family vacation! I bid for the time this coming summer and we began to plan and budget.
Whoo-hoo! A cruise was in our near future.

Then came the last dental check-ups for Zoë, Abby and Jodie. I received not one, not two but three, yes three orthodonture referrals.
Great!
At the orthodontist we received good news/bad news.:

• yes our insurance did cover some of the costs, but not all of it
• Jodie should wait at least for six more months before we begin orthodonture work on her
• We would receive sibling discounts as well as a professional courtesy discount
• Zoë care plan would be pretty basic and simple with braces and maybe bands
• Abby would need braces, a palate expander and a referral for dental surgery to coax a lazy molar down
• Jodie would need some dental surgery as well but later
• the estimated cost for all of this….you guessed it, about the same as the cruise vacation

Every time Zoë and Abby smile now, I see our cruise vacation on the Mexican Riviera. I finally have a picture of the two of them so you too can enjoy what was our cruise vaction.

It’s beautiful!
The end result, their dazzling smiles (Jodie’s too), will be even more beautiful…and I figure, God willing, the Mexican Riviera will be there for another time.
In the meantime, we are punting and tentatively planning a week in Capitola in a beach house rental not unlike a family vacation of Bill’s childhood.

tax whine and wine

Early Wednesday morning around o’dark thirty, while holding my feverish, wheezy little man upright in my arms so he could breathe and sleep at the same time, I FINALLY caught the oft lauded movie Sideways.

Eh!
No, really, it was quite good. The actors were sublime, the cinematography and writing ere superb. I LOVE,LOVE,LOVE the Central Coast of Cali so I was wishing I was there once again making more memories. And yet, in spite of all its excellence, the movie just didn’t grab a hold of me like it did all those who loudly sang its praises last year before and after the Oscars 2005. It was a good movie…just not a great movie in my small corner of the world.
One scene did stand out for me though. Miles is answering Maya’s question about why he prefers Pinots above all others. He explains how they are thin skinned, rare only able to thrive in certain environments, and so on. He then compares them to the cab grape which he characterizes as hardier thriving in spite of neglect, abuse and the harshest of climes. I liked that. Maybe that is why although I do enjoy a seductive pinot from time to time, I am a hearty cab kind of girl. I identify a lot with that survivor grape.
Speaking of wine…
I could use a glass right about now.
I just finished our taxes.
I hope Uncle Sam and Ahnold will be very happy with the chunk of flesh we have to pay out this year.
It’s our own fault. Bill neglected to pay taxes on the profit he made in real estate sales. I’ll forgive him… this year! Also when I left Good Sam, I did take a payout of what was left of my retirement. It wasn’t much after we (me reluctantly) raided it for Bill’s midlife crisis. It’s an investment I told myself and tell myself now. It is. Hey, wanna buy or sell? Still I’m contributing double to my current employer’s matching fund to make up for lost time. I know, I should have rolled over. I know that. I couldn’t help myself…I wanted what other people have…a backyard… taxes be damned, I want a patio and tres and plants and grass. The water feature Bill is planning in the planter can come later.

I’ll remind myself of that thought when I get the opportunity to relax out there come summertime while I watch the sunset as I sip a buttery chardonnay.
Cheers!

keeper of the flame

Today my main role is the keeper of the flame, much like Hestia. How ironic! In 4th grade when we studied mythology, my project was on hestia. I was required to write a report on her and also do a class presentation dressed as this Greek goddess of home and hearth, the keeper of the flame on Mount Olympus.

Up until the last hour, it has been a chilly day here! The sunshine that melted away a very thick layer of frost off my front and back yards, is deceiving. Normally, after the girls head off to school, I can pretty much turn off the heat and add an extra sweater or sweatshirt to Daniel and myself and we are just fine. But there has been a chill in our house cold enough to keep the furnace going just to keep the temperature at 65° which is what the thermostat is set at.
Why so cold?
Normally it isn’t cold. Normally, 65° during the day, 68° when the family is home and 62° overnight is just perfect in our home. It is one of those energy star built homes. But this morning it was cold here. I wonder how the rest of the folks around here are doing?
In the meantime, little man hates to be cold and the chill is enough to bother the little aches and pains like my right arm and my knees that I am almost 44 so we are dressed up in cozy warm sweats and fuzzy socks and mommy is keeping the fire going. That’s me, the goddess of the hearth and home!
Our utility company is offering incentives to use less natural gas this season. We can get cash money if we lower our gas bill by 10%. WOW! Money is money and I will take it almost anyway I can get it. But, as I glance through the letter’s suggestions to cut my natural gas bill, I see I am doing all of this already.

1. Lower thermostat to 65° when at home/work and 55° when away four or more hours with a savings of 10-15%—65° with the exception of maybe 3 hours a day and the furnace is turned off when we are not at home
2. Seal leaks in heating ducts and where air is leaking around doors and windows with a 5-10% savings—Bill insisted this was unnecessary in our home but he humored me because of the old adage about making mama happy
3. Set water heater thermostat at 120° for a savings of 5%—with kids this was already done plus Bill again humored me and added an insulating blanket around the hot water heater.
4. Install energy-efficient showerheads and faucet aerators, and wash clothes in cold water for a 3-5% savings—energy efficient house so done! Plus I wash all of our laundry except for the whites (maybe 2-3 loads/week) in cold water

So the rebate come April is not very likely. Still I do my best to conserve. It’s a habit from my trailer trash days when dad hated to buy more heating oil. I could tell you I am environmentally conscious (and yes, I should be) but who am I kidding,? It’s a habit. So I have the furnace turned down and Daniel and I have spent the day snuggled by the fire reading, coloring, folding laundry and watching some old Disney flicks.
It’s been a busy week for the little man with school and a new daycare while I have been working so my first day off this week we are just chillin’.
I’m not completely being a slug as I am doing the laundry. I know, what else is new. But I am investigating the puddle of water I keep finding on the laundry room floor. Bill insists the washing machine is leaking because the loads are too full.
Hmmmmm…
I’m thinking he just doesn’t want to deal with yet another thing on my “honey-do list” How else can you explain the diagnosis sight unseen?
So I moved the washer out, mopped up the huge puddle and noted the bubbling linoleum. Great! I also not that the hot water hose connection is dripping. I try to tighten it and finally just turn off the hot water…rarely use it anyway. An hour later I notice no more dripping. Go me! But just in case he is right I wash a load of two, yes TWO towels. When it is done I discover a puddle.
Like it or not, guess what Bill will be doing this weekend?
Me, I will be tending to my hearth like a good little goddess!

a leap of faith

I do know the old saying, “Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.” but I tend to be an impulsive person despite my planning. I refer to my impulses as leaps of faith in many ways to reassure myself that I am in this circus juggling with a net. I have stumbled on occasion, but I haven’t fallen yet.

Well today I took a leap of faith. I resigned at GSH before hearing for sure from Mudville…the manager I interviewed with is on vacation this week so next week I will find out. In the meantime, it was the right time to give notice. The climate is bad there. Actually, while I was there today, it felt like an oppressively hot, muggy day before a thunderstorm hits, just like my childhood days in Western PA. It is oppressive. I will praise my colleagues though that despite the sunken morale and added stress to an already high stress unit, they are, as always, amazing in their dedication and level of care that they are giving to the patients there…..

To those of you not in nursing you can not imagine the amount of s#%t nurses take and still are dedicated to their vocation….and I am not talking about patients either!

So with a gulp I took this leap today. I feel right about this leap because the drive to and from there was horrendous today. It’s as if someone is trying to tell me something. I still am “available” to GSH until the middle of April which means I am still their beck and call girl and I still have time to follow up on other jobs should Mudville not be the right one.

In the meantime, the good Lord has not failed all these years and I know He won’t fail me now so we will muddle through. That’s what makes my life a circus!

Mudville Interview

I interviewed at a Mudville hospital today. It is only 16 miles from home so the commute is definitely much more manageable. The facility is rich with history as it is almost 100 years old and was founded by a doctor who was frustrated that there was no hospital for women and children at the time in the area.
The interview went very well. The nurse recruiter originally came from the NICU at this hospital and was very enthusiastic about getting me on board. The next interview was done by a team of three: the Maternal-Child manager, the CNS of the NICU and a NICU nurse. As we talked we discovered that besides NICU nursing we shared quite a few things in common. Among other things we all have daughters graduating from high school this year and the CNS and I went to the same college to get our nursing degree. I shared with her that a certain popular professor is still teaching there. We both shared our surprise as she seemed pretty old back then.
The business part of their interview went very well. They liked the resume with the level of experience I can bring to their unit….translation, it won’t take long to orient. The only drawbacks I have is I am not PALS certified but that can be quickly remedied. I also have not been trained to intubate patients (place a breathing tube) or place umbilical lines (an IV that goes into the umbilical artery or umbilical vein in the belly button) as the policy from where I work now is these are a doctor’s, NNP and, in the case of intubation, certain respiratory therapists duties. This didn’t seem to surprise any of them as a number of NICU’s have similar policies. The position they are offering is full time day shift working three days a week 7 am to 7 PM. The manager did say there is also a full time nights position open as well. I was honest with her that I would prefer days. The NICU nurse on the interview team piped up that she wanted me on board for day shift. The pay is a little less than the Bay Area but that is not surprising. But the rate she quoted is for Staff Nurse III step 5 which is where I am at GSH. I like that a lot! It all balances out as this is full time and commute costs will drop greatly. A full time position will be an adjustment for myself and my family but we will muddle through as we always do. It will certainly revive the finances around here which is why I am eager for this to work out. As Bill’s mid-life crisis is actually starting to pick up maybe he can quit his day job and give real estate the attention it needs as he is getting busy with it lately and we wouldn’t have to stress so much about little details like steady income, health insurance. This is why the major change. The time was right as the climate in San Jose has become hostile and availability to work has dwindled to virtually nil.
What about valley? Well, I resigned that position today. I liked the staff and the patients but I did miss the adrenaline of a level III NICU and they do cancel A LOT so it would not be reliable income. I do regret resigning so soon after being hired but if it is not working, it’s not working. The manager there was very understanding and actually surprised that I gave her two week’s notice with my last day there being April 5. Isn’t that what one is supposed to do? I’m new at this so I don’t know. Oh well, I thought it was the right thing to do so I did it.
GSH will be harder and yet easier when i tender my resignation. I “grew up” in my nursing career there. Some of my mentors are still there. We have had babies together through the years, watched each other’s kids grow up. We have so many memories of patients, families, and staff. It’s going to be hard to say goodbye. But it is going to be easy because there is no work for me. My ability to make myself available on the schedule has dwindled down to barely being able to meet my minimum requirement as a per diem nurse much less make enough to provide for my family. The management has created an environment where I feel like my loyalty and years of dedication is not of any value. It is time for me to move on so I guess I will have a new adventure.
The manager who interviewed me today is off next week….spring break surprise for her kids she tells me…..so she said she will call me the first week in April with an offer……keep those prayers coming!

saying a prayer, crossing my fingers

Things aren’t so good at GSH. It has been nearly a month since I worked there and with the slowdown at Bill’s job there isn’t much $$ flowing here. We already prepped the kids that there will be one big basket to share for Easter. They are rolling with it and for that I am thankful. They drive me crazy some days , but I’ve got good kids.
Anyway, like I said, I haven’t worked much lately….only one day this month at GSH and two weeks ago at Valley. A good thing in the sense I have been able to take of sick kids at home properly and actually get some projects around here done but you can’t buy groceries with a wink and a smile. The lady at the Pak n Save just isn’t attracted to me.
So it was the right kick in the pants I needed to see what is out there for an old NICU RN closer to home. I also had to accept since nursing wages here in the Central Valley just aren’t at the same level as the Bay Area I would probably have to look for a fulltime (3 12 hour shifts) position. Checking out local hospitals I found a few NICU positions , day shift no less. I also found a few mother baby positions and a position in L & D that specifies neonatal experience (these were night shifts). The L & D position is at a facility just 3 miles from my house….my kind of commute! So out came the resume and off it was sent this past week.
I just got off the phone with HR at a hospital in Stockton offering a day shift NICU position. She says they like what they see and would like to set up an interview. So my fingers are crossed and I am praying….we’ll see what happens.