Hello (WordPress) world!

Once again, I have (reluctantly) packed up my circus tent that is this blog of mine and moved.

I have no idea why my blog became invisible to so many and no one else seemed to know why either. But I do know that I wasn’t the only one frustrated by it. So here I am pitching my tent somewhere new. Bear with me while I do some unpacking and sprucing up. I am going to be updating my links so leave a comment if you would like me to include you on my blogroll.
In the meantime let me assure you that I am alive and well and blogging away.I hope that you will wave hello so that I know that you made it over here.

more on "things to do"

I commented that I am enjoying revisiting and reflection this past year while I work on archiving my old AOL journal. I sure did have a lot to write about…..and some of it even made a little sense!

The bulk of it all seemed focus on moments in a day to day life here raising a family, working and playing.. Funny, in that sentence it all seems so boring and something I wouldn’t even give a second glance. But entry after entry reminded me of conversations with my children, my feelings as Daniel visited yet another specialist and faced surgery #8 and various other events and thoughts that gave me pause…..even the everydayness of life under the big top is interesting….well, to me it is! That was the original intended goal of my online journaling. The bonus is others find it a little bit interesting or amusing. The extra added bonus for me is finding other folks like me out there in the vast Blog-world who are a lot like me. Either I am not crazy or boring or there are more folks just like that out in the real world living among us all.

This entry is getting a little too warm and fuzzy but what can I say? I have optimistic tendencies. I try to see good in things. It’s my survival skill. Even in the suckiest and tragic of times, I can manage to find one good thing and I will cling to it for dear life.

But I digress….

Last night I came across an entry I made in response to the Saturday Six by Patrick. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect as my family and I are working on our Best and Worst of 2005 lists (see the best and the worst of 2004). The answer I wrote to one particular question gave me reason to reflect on goals I made for myself:

6. Name five things you would like to do by December 31, 2005.
paint the livingroom,
get the landscaping done in that dirt pile we call a backyard,
have a family portrait done,
replace the broken down Target bedroom furniture in my bedroom,
get away some weekend soon with Bill.

Here it is December 28 and I can check off three out of five. I could moan and groan because I still have a dresser in my bedroom held together literally by duct tape. I could also succumb to an extra dose of the blues as I see no opportunity to get all seven of us together long enough for any formal family portrait….yes, I could do that and it would be pretty easy…
But I chosse, instead, to see the accomplishments…..
I have eight trees, the beginnings of a beautiful planter box, colorful shrubs and plants all around, a thick, green lawn and a patio with outdoor furniture to relax on all in my backyard.
I have a warm, cozy haven where I can write, read or just relax deep in my own thoughts all in what was once the livingroom where no one “lived”.
Bill and I managed to make time for just us in a weekend getaway not once but twice within the last six months.
It’s only December 28 today. Technically I still have time to check off the other two goals. Considering finances would be a big factor for at least one and the logistics of getting seven busy people in one place at one time I am thinking perhaps I will need more than 72 hours…..
Yeah, I’m thinking I might need more time. In the meantime, I have some short term goals:
shampoo the hall carpet
finish the laundry- will I EVER really finish the laundry?
take care of Daniel’s social security
pick up my new vanity plate from the DMV
…
guess I need to get off the computer!
Have a great day!

grace and maturity

It’s amazing where one can find good.
This child is.
This child is uniquely gifted in finding good in everyone and everything. Spend just five minutes with her and I guarantee that you will find your life more colorful and warmer. You will feel good about yourself and you will want to share those good feelings with everyone you encounter the rest of the day. I truly want to be just like her….gracious, kind, warm, accepting and good to all. We could all learn a lesson or two on how to treat one another from this gracious gifted child!
I am 43 years old. I joke all the time that I am just a big kid. My childhood did not allow for being a kid. Fortunately, my family today has given me the courage, the tools and permission to sometimes, be a kid! It’s refreshing. It’s healing. It is what keeps me young in my opinion.
But I am still 43 years old. I am still a “mature” adult. At least I think so….
no, after a recent encounter with a woman the same age as me, I know I am. I am mature because, in spite of my many flaws, I do try….
try being the operative word here, to show fairness and kindness to all…..even when I do not agree with their choices. Living with Bill has probably taught me that. Bill and I are polar opposites.

1. Bill likes Pepsi, I like Coke
2. Bill likes country music, I prefer classic rock, or better yet, the blues
3. Bill is a couch potato, I love outdoor activities like cycling, running and just moving
4. Bill is a Republican, I am a Democrat

The list goes on…..
yet, here we are 23 years later, together.
How?
Easy…at least to say….
we respect one another. We agree to disagree sometimes. We listen. By doing all of these we have learned over the years that we do have a lot in common in spite of the obvious differences in one another.
My ever widening circle of friends and acquaintances includes many people who are fundamentally different than me in so many ways. I like it that way. I see just how big this world is. I appreciate what an amazing thing we are, we human beings. I value all the more God’s wisdom in His creation. I treasure all the more that which I believe in and live.
I think how dark, dank and depressing it can be when we are holed up in our warm, insulated homes in the winter. How refreshing it is come spring to open your doors and windows and let the fresh air and the sunlight in. It dilutes the stagnant air and chases away the darkness. It is healing and restoring. My life is happier, richer and fuller because I do keep my doors and windows open to the outside world.I actually feel sorry for those who choose to keep themselves sealed off from the world around them. They become stagnant, unhappy and bitter. They never grow….they never mature despite the fact that we are the same age.
I don’t want to be like them.
I CHOOSE to not be like them. I want to be just like my daughter, Jodie Grace Wynnona….
if you think about it, say a little prayer for this sweet girl as she will be having oral surgery tomorrow.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

People I have grown to admire, love and, well, respect are expending much too much energy slinging mud at one another….funny how just a couple of weeks ago there was so much love being exchanged a girl could get cavities from their sweetness.
Nevertheless, as I read some pretty rude, judgmental and downright nasty comments from these folks I described above, all I can hear in the soundtrack in my mind is Miss Aretha belting out a request for a little respect….SING IT, ARETHA!!!
In the meantime, the only whining you will hear from me is my having to work Thanksgiving and Christmas Day.
My darling, alter ego Tilly across the Great Pond really did a smashing job of putting what I am feeling into words….amazing words. Someday, I will grow up to be you.
Love you, darling!

Friday Five

From Charley….
1. If you choose to leave AOL over the ads in our journals, what will you miss most? If you choose to stay, what is your motivation to do so?

I chose to leave. I am firm on my principles and do not accept ads that imply that I might endorse a diet supplement (potential problem with my RN license therefore my livelihood) nor am I willing to imply endorsement of any company that is a direct competitor with my husband’s livelihood….boils down to stealing from my family IMHO…..notes ads described have appeared above my name on my journal.
I miss and MOURN the incredible community we built. I am grateful to have re-connected with fellow refugees as we affectionately call ourselves and CONTINUE to maintain relationships with those J-Landers who remain and accept and respect my choice just as I accept and respect their choice to stay.

2. Given the great exodus of people over the ads in their journal space, do you think the AOL community in J-Land will suffer?

Absolutely.
But ALL of us, whether we stay or leave, ultimately determine if we lose that community we have fostered. We all have a choice there and yes, right now that requires we work a little bit harder. I am doing my part. What are you doing?

3. Do you believe that AOL will respond to the many complaints? Why or why not?

I used to be a community leader for AOL….AMOM Austa at your service!….Having said that I can attest that we community leaders often knew of big changes long before they were implemented by AOL. We were admonished to keep it quiet until AOL unveiled them and we were advised to always be supportive of the changes. Never, ever were changes reversed no matter how big the uproar….and I did weather an ugly one in my community I led. I doubt AOL will rescind this. To me that is a sad testament of big corporate world’s view on customer service.

4. Why did you start to journal in the first place, and will you miss it if you leave?

For me, for my children as a legacy to their mom’s thoughts….the bonus is I found a voice I thought was lost years ago, an audience and friends.
I will still be blogging and you are welcome to keep on reading.

5. Will you miss those who stop reading your journal, if you leave, or if they’ve left, and will you take steps to continue reading their words?

I’m still reading! What are you doing?
Iguess like all relationships, people come and go without one word goodbye in our lives. It is sad but they chose to walk out without even a wave. I haven’t said goodbye to anyone….a few who emailed me commenting I shouldn’t leave and all never acknowledged my response that I am still here and still reading their blogs. It hurts, yes….I’m human and I do bleed real blood. But as some come and go without a word others come that stay and enrich my life all the more and I am blessed because of them.
Again, I have made my choice. I am still here and reading and commenting when my juggling permits it….lately not so much because of my own choice and preserving a year’s worth of my journal….but I am here still.
And you?

Never Tease A Weasel

It’s not nice to tease people!
Has anyone ever heard of the children’s book Never Tease A Weasel? I recall bits of it because I read it way too many times to my sister, Val and little brother, Billy when they were small. The essential lesson throughout the story is that teasing isn’t nice.
This guy has been a very easy target the last few days….too easy. I don’t agree with the corporate line he is blogging (God, that has to be a sucky job!) but it is nice to see that he has a sense of humor.
Oh, and in case anyone missed it….

Bloggers’ message to AOL: Back off Porky

Exodus

The theme of my high school commencement, way back in 1980, was This land is mine, God gave this land to me, the theme from Exodus, the 1960 Otto Preminger movie starring Paul Newman, Eva Marie Sainte, Ralph Richardson, Peter Lawford, Sal Mineo, Lee J. Cobb, John Derek to name just a few.

It was pretty amazing that this would be the theme of a public high school, even in 1980. Folks were already starting to be sensitive and politically correct, even before we had such a phrase as politically correct. But we were a small town high school with a small town, conservative school board and the theme seemed to be the right one for my graduating class.

As young adults, we witnessed the Iran Hostage Crisis, the Miracle on Ice and the Moscow Olympics boycott in our senior year. We had discovered patriotism and we wanted to flaunt it as we stepped out into the big, bad, bold world.
I can still remember the lyrics of the theme that I sang as a member of our Senior Choir.

This land is mine, God gave this land to me
This brave and ancient land to me!
And when the morning sun, reveals her hills and plains
Then I see a land where children can run free
So take my hand and walk this land with me
And walk this golden land with me
Though I am just a man, when you are by my side
With the help of God I know I can be strong
-Pat Boone & Ernest Gold-

Fast forward 25 some years later and I find myself humming this song in spite of myself as I am finding some of my fellow AOL refugees. It was a phenomenal community we built there. We nurtured one another’s creativity and together we all laughed, cried, prayed, celebrated and enjoyed, on occasion, a little playful dysfunction. Until yesterday….

So many have fled our homeland (if you will)….all in just one day. Those of us who have fled have become the J-Land refugees.

I have moved to a new home. Right now it seems stark, empty with a new home smell, sights and sounds. But when I explored the neighborhood a little today, I found some more folks like me. Knowing that many whom I have come to look forward to reading everyday will be here too makes me feel more optimistic. This land is mine!

I think I might do a little decorating and unpacking.

Not all of my J-Land friends have left. Quite few whom I love remain. To you I say we can still remain connected, not unlike the dear cousin or friend who moves to another state. It might be more challenging. But we can remain connected. If we choose to. I will.

Now, to see about unpacking some of this junk….and I need to run to Home Depot…..and target….and…..where did I pack the scrapbooks!…..

a little help here!

Now how in the world am I supposed to juggle without my cell phone?
I can’t find my cell phone. I know I put it right here on the kitchen counter. Yes, I called it but it isn’t answering…..the battery was low yesterday when I put it on the counter next to the charger. I just can’t believe I have gotten so dependent on that thing.
Has anyone seen my cell phone?
and while I am at it…..why the heck can’t I compose an entry with stinkin’ paragraphs. I don’t speak HTML. I just want to type an entry like the simple person that I am and press enter and voila it will be there.
I do believe I have solved one problem….thank goodness for Word for Blogger!

so emotional

Yes it has been a sucky day this past Tuesday.
I was floated first to normal newborn then 10 minutes into report floated again to pediatrics….remember I hate working in peds…..I survived….Thank goodness for nursing students! The student I worked with kept me distracted and focused on her.
My goal when working with nursing students is to ALWAYS give them the very best day because I could very well be inspiring/training the nurse who will care for me in the bitter end. That nurse better be good! So I am thankful for the nursing student….she was a good thing today.
I did manage to get home 4 hours early and the golden drama queen did get her day off….of course she had to howl like a banshee and I come out of this looking graceful….for once.
No, the bad came after coming home. Daniel is sick again. More likely he is rebounding. Guess who had a daycare full of sick kids last week and who refused my son after she made him throw up by guzzling pediasure the previous week?…more on that another time and another ad-free place.
It went on at #2 and #3’s teacher conferences. One girl glowed and one not so much. The thing is she would have been As across the board IF she had turned in homework that she forgot or didn’t feel like bringing to school. She has aced all the proficiency exams required to graduate 8th grade 8 months before graduation. But her grades are Cs because of failure to turn in her homework. I came down hard on her….very hard. She is my brightest. my smartest. Her IQ is higher than mine. She, herself, has outlined high aspirations in her future…..her sister did the same crap at the same age and only graduated with a promise that she would or die trying hanging over her head.
So shoot me….I’m harsh. But I will not drag another bright, gifted child through high school by her hair when her peers are sweating blood just to pass the exit exam. I maintain she has an incredible gift….her mind. It is nothing less than a sin to not use it.
Today sucks because my former big top, my former blog sits shrouded in black and yet the ad banners blink brightly like a Motel 6 neon sign….I am NOT advertising Motel 6! My blog was one month shy of being a year old. It took months to find my voice, my attitude, my audience. I admit I wasn’t looking for an audience but it was inspiring knowing I had an audience…people who were actually interested in what I had to say even if I mostly write about my life as a juggler of my family.
Forgive me if I cry a little as this is hard to start again.
But it is a new day. It’s now Wednesday. Maybe after a few hours sleep, I will see the potential and look forward and not look back. Zoë has a second chance later today at school. And maybe, my new found chiropractor can rework the tension out of my neck again. …I have a feeling he is going to be a bit frustrated when he finds me back to square one again. I know too well his potential frustration right now.
This Ad-Free entry brought to you by Laura, your master juggler.

all previous entries are from my original journal/blog from AOL, the original Adventures In Juggling