goodbye to 2020

The first part of this was written just two months ago. I sat on it because we did not realize the eventual outcome until just the other day. But then again, maybe we won’t know the eventual outcome some more time to come…

The time came this week in March for Daniel’s Spring teacher’s conference and for his semi-annual IEP meeting with all the members of his team at school. All in all, it was good, it was bad, frustrating, sometimes redundant, a little disappointing and somewhat vindicating. Oh, and it was long…too long for Hazel, who I was babysitting that afternoon, and too long for the star of the show, Daniel, who begged me to let him join Jodie and Hazel out on the playground. I think he was a little embarrassed with all the We-love-Daniel-because-he-is-amazing talk from the nine adults in the meeting.

The gist of the IEP/progress report is that Daniel is making great strides and meeting, as well as exceeding, a number of his original goals for this year in Math, Speech, Socialization, Adaptive PE. But he still struggles especially in Writing, Reading and in areas of Adaptive PE that involve lower body strength. Frankly, we were not surprised…well, okay, we were surprised with some of the things he seems to do quite well for his teachers but struggles with accomplishing under our direction. But then again, we are just Mom and Dad…it’s not like we are Mr. J or Mrs. L. People! Please! Everyone knows Mr. J and Mrs. L are a lot more fun to do school work with. Perhaps we weren’t really that surprised after all.

The biggest concern is his struggles in Reading. He just isn’t getting it. In fact his Reading scores have slipped drastically over the year. Unfortunately, the jump from first to second grade (even special ed second grade) is a ratrher substantial leap in Reading and Writing. At the meeting it was clear that Daniel will get left behind in the big leap. The principal paused dramatically before she delicately asks us how would we feel about the possibility of retention.

I look at Bill. He looks at me. We both look at the principal then I respond, “Before I answer that, I would like it to on the record of this meeting that I told you so. Not necessarily all of you, but his first IEP team that the school district assigned to him…I told you so!” Both the principal and the school psychologist take a defensive posture as they almost simultaneously ask what. Back when Daniel turned the magic age of three and aged out of the state’s Early Start Intervention Program and became the school district’s problem, er, client, I asked if we could consider waiting until he was 6 turning 7 rather than 5 turning 6 to start kindergarten citing his then many medical, physical and mental challenges. The then school psychologist reined me in suggesting we wait until he is closer to kindergarten enrollment age top consider that question. That seemed fair enough so I waited until the IEP meeting before I was to formally enroll him in kindergarten. Then the psychologist flat out said I could not do that….whoaaa…wait….I always understood one can wait until their child is the age of 7 before enrolling them in school (public, private or home). Somehow the psychologist convinced me that I could not and I bought it. I plead that I am still new to this whole special ed process as my only excuse for not pushing the issue. But as it ended up, Daniel had an amazing kindergarten experience with an even more amazing teacher who followed him into first grade.

But back to this IEP meeting… both the princi[pal and current school psychologist that delaying the start of Daniel’s formal education was always an option for me and they are not certain why I was told differently. Oh well. What’s done is done. He certainly did not suffer for it. Still we must address the fact if it would be to his benefit to have him repeat the first grade. I can tell you my answert. I can tell you Bill’s answer. I even can tell you Daniel’s answer since he has declared that he wants to be in Mrs. L’s class always! But for now the discussion is tabled until closer to the end of the school year. New strategies are discussed and planned to continue to help little man in his slow and steady progress with the hopes that he will move faster and (magically) be at the same level as his end-of-the-year first grade peers and we schedule another IEP meeting in May, closer to the end of the school year, where we will decide.

And the meeting came this last Thursday. The days and weeks leading up to this follow-up meeting we saw progress that made us certain that “of course he is ready….second grade here he comes!!! Then there were the moments where one of us or both of us would find ourselves wringing our hands worrying that they will make him move on to second grade when he is clearly not ready and…oh-my-god-he-will-be-lost-forever-and-he’ll-never-catch-up-and-how-can-we-make-them see-that he-just-is-not-ready!!!! Daniel has taught us that he is the one running this and we have learned to accept his timetable as he progresses…always progresses…forward. Could his team of special ed teachers, mainstream teachers, administration, psychologists, speech ed, adaptive physical ed and all the other talking education educator heads ever come to accept this?

We sat down at the conference table with our son’s team and went through the motions of reviewing our rights, introducing ourselves and our connection to Daniel and then jumped right into reviewing his short term IEP for the end of the school year as well as the proposed IEP for the start of the 2009-2010 school year. Daniel is still beguiling us all with his charm, his witty ways, his spirit and those amazing eyes. We all agree that we are all his biggest fans. We review and are all pleased to see that he is making progress…he always progresses, never regresses…but we all agree that his time line isn’t exactly in line with the mainstream first to second grade time line.

He’s not ready for second grade.

That BIG SIGH OF RELIEF you hear is me relaxing.

They get it!!!! They are going to give him the time that he needs.

I should be disappointed that he is no longer a part of the illustrious Class of 2020 and I admit that yes I am a little. What a freaking amazing thing it would be for a former 24 weeker, 1 pound miracle baby who shouldn’t even be here to graduate from high school with his peers who were born the same year that he was. All us NICU-type professionals could pat ourselves on the backs, give high fives, bump fists and throw out our NICU gang signs in celebration over that achievement because we would imagine that we had something to do with that amazing success. But both as his mama and as the NICU type professional I understand and accept his past, present and future successes as his alone. He learned how to walk when he was ready, he ate food by mouth rather than a feeding tube when he was ready, he pooped in the potty when the time was right for him…he’ll get past the early reader stage, ride that damn two-wheeler and every other milestone in his life when he is ready. The boy is running this. I’m just the mama supporting, encouraging, helping, teaching, following him all along the way.

Goodbye Class of 2020….hello 2021 I’d like you to meet one of your newest members. His name is Daniel and he is absolutely, freakin’, amazingly awesome!