What’s that? I’m not a bad mom?
But if I am to believe the esteemed views of the pundits and bloggers weighing in on the recent news that Sarah Palin’s daughter is pregnant then wouldn’t it follow….
Can I just say how freaking annoyed I am with the drama unfolding over this? My blogging hero, John Scalzi made some EXCELLENT points on this subject. He’s right you know. Turn the tables and make it Biden’s daughter in this situation of course the Moral Right will tear into it like pit bulls. But does that make it right for the Lefties to come out swinging? Shouldn’t those of us who say we are democrats be following the lead of the Democratic candidate? Obama is right. This is a non-issue.
“This shouldn’t be part of our politics, it has no relevance to Gov. Palin’s performance as a governor or her potential performance as a vice president”…“My mother had me when she was 18. And how family deals with issues and teenage children — that shouldn’t be the topic of our politics. I hope that anybody who is supporting me understands that is off limits.”
But gosh darn it, some democrats are hell bent on making it an issue….I mean Ms Palin is a “Christian”…Ms Palin is pro-life…Ms Palin reportedly believes abstinence should be taught in sex ed in schools…Ms Palin is all about family values…So why is her girl knocked up? Clearly Ms Palin has “failed” as a mother. Ms Palin should have been there (am I the only one who sees the eewww factor in that statement?). Ms Palin should have given her daughter a condom…it goes on and on…
Let me share with y’all just in case you haven’t already figured from reading my drivel over the years that I am a Christian…perhaps not the most righteous but I am a follower of Christ and thank goodness He is patient with me. I am Pro Life. I don’t necessarily believe sex ed should be taught in schools but grudgingly accept it because I am well aware that most parents get physically ill over the thought of discussing sex with their kids…most parents won’t even begin discussing it with their children until the kids are nearly adolescent…most parents don’t even talk about sex period with their children. So I accept that the burden of teaching children about their sexuality and the responsibility of it falls on the schools. It’s a little different here under the Big Top but I am not most parents. While sex and taking responsibility is discussed in this circus my clowns learn first and foremost that abstinence is the only fool-proof method of birth control because all the other options that they are aware of, they also know FAIL! Everyone who knows someone who is a product of birth control failure raise your hand! Seriously. While I accept there is more than one way to make a family, I am a traditional kind of girl. It works best for me and it seems to work well for my family. Although most of my political leanings don’t coincide with Ms Palin and what she represents, in many ways I am a lot like her.
So let’s see, if I am to believe the pundits and blogging community (particularly the “expert” mommy-type bloggers and tweeters) Ms Palin is a baaa-aaad mother because her young adult daughter had sex and got pregnant then wouldn’t it follow that mothers just like her are bad mothers if they have a young adult daughter who finds herself unmarried and knocked up?
Go ahead, call me a bad mother! I dare ya!
I would then ask how do you know Ms Palin failed? How do you know that she didn’t give her kid a condom? How do you know anything that goes on behind the closed doors of the Palin house?
Yes her daughter is only 17 but, like it or not, some 17 year olds out there do have sex even the ones from the “good” homes. All the pundits and bloggers out there must have waited until their wedding night when they were nearly 30, right? Of course! That’s why they get to weigh in their judgement on this young woman, her parents and, ultimately, her unborn baby.
As I stated earlier, I identify with this situation which is one of the reasons why I take offense here. It was nearly a year ago that I learned about The Coming Attraction that became Hazel Faye. I will tell you now that I hesitated sharing this news late last September when I first learned about it. In fact I waited a bit. Why? Was I ashamed, sad or mad? No, actually I was trying to protect my daughter. I honestly was not sure of the response that such news would generate here on my blog. Putting a little bit of myself and my family out here can set me up for some judgment and criticism. The best bloggers out there put up with it so why would it be any different here? I’m mostly okay with it but I was not okay with it directed at my daughter during a vulnerable time for her. It really was nobody’s business about the hows or whys that led to her finding herself pregnant and I wasn’t about to put her in a place where she couldn’t protect or defend herself. All family bloggers do the same thing to some degree or another. I chose to wait a bit to share what was surprising but happy news for our family. Holly has since learned to take every single comment about her or her baby with a big grain of salt and I must say I regret ever thinking anyone would attack her through my blog or that she couldn’t defend herself.
The fact of the matter is that although Bill and I raised our daughter to take precautions and responsibility for her own sex life, things happen that aren’t exactly according to our plans or timing. Still we couldn’t be more pleased that she still took responsibility. Note if her choice had been different than the end result of her becoming a mother we still would have loved and supported her. Our moral choices were not foisted upon her. Her choice was her choice, period. No matter what the choice was it was clear it would be hard for her. Still we are proud she took responsibility for her actions. Judge away and sling the mud but realize alhough our daughter’s path in her very young adult life is certainly not our intended path, we still stand behind the obvious fact that we raised our girl right because of how she has gracefully handled the result of her behavior…not my behavior, not her father’s behavior but hers. I like to imagine that the Palins are perhaps disappointed but at the same time proud that their daughter has accepted adult esponsibility for her adult behavior.
But the perfect few out there still opine away judging a young lady at time in her life where she is very vulnerable. As a mom I can’t help but ache little for this young lady. Thank goodness her parents have publicly stated their support. I imagine she is grateful for it. I know Holly was grateful. She shared with me early on in her own pregnancy how many of her friends were surprised that we would be supportive. Some even went so far as to express surprise that we didn’t kick out into the street. Hearing that then and thinking about it now I can’t help but wonder why would we do that and who are these parents that would do such a thing? The way we see it here is this was and is a time in our daughter’s life when she needs us the most and we are and will be there for her and her child. What’s done is done. It’s a different path. It’s the reality of life. As Holly’s parents we couldn’t be prouder that she is facing and accepting that reality. Yes, she is with a lot of help from us but isn’t that what a family is for? My hat’s off to the Palin parents and my prayers go out to them and their growing family.
Judge all you want oh parenting experts in the bloggy world but let me offer a word of caution. I think I am qualified to do so since many of the “expert” opinions and judgement in the parenting bloggy world seem to be coming from who I call “young” parents. Y’all seem to have all the answers and the do’s and don’ts down in this situation. I applaud you for knowing so much and how to (and not to) deal with this private family matter. We should all be experts like you. But be warned. Your expertise is not proven yet. Come back when your young ones are all grown up, done with school, moved out of your homes and living the perfect life in the perfect order that you have weighed in on. Some of you will discover soon enough even the expert parents screw up and somtimes even their children mess up. It sucks when we notice and, trust me, someone will notice just like y’all have in this situation.
Like Mr. Obama said, this is a non-issue. It is a private family matter forced into the public spotlight because one party involved is in the public spotlight. But really what does it have to do with this election? What does it have to do with the key issues that we should be focused on? What does it have to with Ms Palin’s ability to execute her duties as Vice President? Move on. Let’s discuss the issues. Let’s discuss Ms Palin’s politics. Leave her children and their choices (good or bad) out of it.
I am more freaked out by the speech Palin gave in June claiming that the war in Iraq is messianic and that we are doing God’s will.
But, I also think maybe this will strike some good for adding contraception to the abstinence only education we now have.
hey dare demon,
and what makes you think i haven’t been taking responsibility for my young adult child’s choices? obviously you so much more about my family life than i do because you are new here.
oh and way to man up and leave your name. your comment carries so much more weight oin your anonymity.
I think you’re right when you say that you can’t be with your children 24/7 — you can merely teach them and hope they make good decisions when they’re on their own.
My mom, a single mother, taught me about sex and protecting myself and said to come to her if I ever do decide to have sex before I was married. Growing up, we were never very religious, so she never made me feel like I was “bad” or “immoral” if I did decide to have sex before getting married (which I think is the cause of many problems in our society, the demonization of sex; to tell a child that something that feels good [and evolutionarily speaking, it OUGHT to feel good] is bad, is only going to cause psychosis if the child decides to so much as masturbate because then it causes guilt and so on and so forth), so I always felt very comfortable talking to her about sex.
Anyway, my long-rambling point is that having a teenaged parent (and I say parent because it’s always the GIRL that gets the bad rap even though she obviously didn’t do this alone — why doesn’t anybody ever question why somebody’s [hopefully] teenaged son is having sex? It plays into the continued double standards between male and females.) does not make one a failure as a parent, as you stated very well in your post.
I am pro-choice, but at this stage in my life, I would not have an abortion. I feel I am old enough to deal with the responsibility of having a child, and like you with Holly, I know my parents would be strong pillars of support.
(It’s funny, actually, I say I’m pro-choice, but in the face of it, I am appalled by women who make the decision to abort their babies simply because it’s “inconvenient” for them… I am more for abortions in the case of rape, and less so when it’s someone who “just doesn’t want a baby right now,” – if that’s the case, don’t have sex or MAKE SURE you’re protected.)
I agree with you and everyone else who has said that the children ought to be left out of a campaign. The fact that Palin’s daughter is pregnant will not change how fit Palin is for her prospective position, but it does show that she is very supportive of her children and does stick to her guns when it comes to her stance on abortion.
BTW, Hazel is so beautiful! I love her big blue eyes and the outfits she has! I’m almost tempted to say that she has better style and clothes than me!
chelcie,
we may say we are in different corners in this one issue but we do think a lot alike when it comes to women’s reproductive rights and the stupidly ridiculous double standard. i read a comment from another blog where the person stated that no woman is capable of making executive decisions when she is 16 weeks postpartum.
that kind of thinking about any woman takes us back to the days of june cleaver doing housework wearing high heels and pearls. i ain’t saying i am for the republican ticket cause i am not but a lot of the arguments against her circulating seem focused on the fact that she has a va-jay-jay that has birthed some babies. we really need some serious re-direction.
you and i also agree about hazel…we all should have her sense of style.
“But seriously: It’s amazing to me how parents take zero responsibility for the actions of their children. No one’s perfect, but you can’t pretend that how you parent has no effect on your kid’s actions.”
Maybe this person isn’t a parent yet.
Because at least amongst all the new parents i know, every single one of them (myself included) is very conscious about what they are doing and how it will effect their child right now or in the future.
OF COURSE when you raise a child you are shaping them in some sort of way. Hello dare demon, have you ever said something and immediately after saying it realized you sounded exactly like your mother or father? or maybe you picked up on one of their bad habits like smoking or a short temper? or maybe little quirks here or there like how they fold the laundry, or organize the bills. whatever it may be…
but when a child screws up or makes a mistake, it’s not always the parents fault.
ever heard of peer pressure?
ALL of the stupid mistakes i’ve made in my life that resulted in my screen to my window being screwed into the base, or juvenile probation, being stranded in LA, they’re all because of the influence of my friends, (or so-called friends). if anything my parents taught me how to handle my mistakes and take responsibility for my actions. they didn’t teach me how to act like a fool.
so before you throw stones, look at the mistakes in your life you’ve made and weigh in:
what were the events leading up to them? i’m sure it wasn’t your parents egging you on to do something you didn’t want to do.
and if they were, then i feel sorry for you and you’re still in no position to talk down to a mother of 5.
i have such mixed feelings about this whole mess. one i don’t think mccain vetted her enough because i don’t think he would have picked her, if he knew about this (no matter what the spin may be). i don’ t think absentience only programs work because sex is human nature as much as we try to fight that urge sometimes. give kids the tools they need instead of putting your head in the sand. and as a teenager who got pregnant at 17 i have a feeling a couple things went on… no parental supervision (mom was working/dad was working) i’m not throwing stones here but if someone was around it MIGHT not have happened. when the parents aren’t around the kids will play. (i’m not talking about being a hover parent just be there most of the time. being a govennor is not a 9-5 job and neither is working on a pipeline or being a commercial fisherman) i also think there was no talking about sex except for talking about not having sex.
i have four kids, and while everybody’s view on things are different. i sure in hell do not want my daughters pregnant at 17 (or my two sons getting a girl pregnant) like i was… so as painful and embarassing as it is, i talk to them all the time because i think we can all agree that being honest and open is normally the best route to take in these matters.
One word: BRAVO!!
I like this post
And I’m not voting for either of the traditional political parties 
Had I been in the position of Ms. Palin’s daughter I have a feeling my father would have ‘found other living arrangements’ for me – or forced me to find them. But then again I did take out 2 restraining orders against him at age 19 and 20…
Things are better now though – I think we both had some ‘growing up’ to do.