I’m getting smashed today!

What I wouldn’t do for a mango martini kind of smashed but it ain’t that kind of smashing. No, it’s that time of year again, time for another mammogram and breast ultrasound for Laura!

Whoo-hoo!!

A year ago”Megan” told me that I had a lovely lady lump. To say I was worried would be a understatement. Six months later, the lump was still there and Megan and my doctor just couldn’t see why I would be so worried. I mean a suspicious lump is a suspicious lump even if it is hanging out in a “dense” breast. But the doc felt I was making a double D cup mountain out of an A cup molehill.

Whatever.

So I transferred my care recently to a group that specializes in nothing but women and their health. Perhaps it is no big deal as the (former) good doctor told me when he assured me his wife went through the very same thing but I would rather have a health care team that at least was a teensy bit sensitive to the fact I am a little nervous and wondering if mama, auntie, grandma and great-grandpa all being diagnosed with breast cancer might make me a wee bit more vulnerable here. The group I signed on with here seems to agree that my feelings and fears do count. The plan is today I get smashed and if the lump is still there then the next step is a biopsy. I don’t necessarily want a needle in my breast but I’m down with that plan.

Too bad I can’t have a martini with that.

I want to be a big loser!

Thanks to Holly, I am going to be losing it. My little size 3, non-exercising, smoking 20 year old daughter has made a decision recently to make some healthier choices in her life. She quit smoking (YEAH!) and has taken advantage of her company’s discounted gym rates at 24 Hour Fitness. Guess who she invited to join her?

She told me I could sign up for their “biggest Loser” program and lose 15 pounds in six weeks as they advertise.

Um, thanks.

In all seriousness, I do need to lose some weight so I signed on with the girl. I have been trying to get going but have been hampered with the usual juggling that I do. Years ago I had a gym membership and I was there, without fail, 4-5 times a week. I had to pay for the membership and I was determined I would get my money’s worth. It’s worth a try to take on that accountability.

Today I met with my very own personal trainer, Mark, and we formulated a plan based on my current stats, health and assorted aches and pains. The plan is 25 pounds lost in time for my 46th birthday and back in my MILF jeans.

Here’s to being a big loser!

solicited advice

So imagine that you are writing the ultimate pregnancy/new parent guide and advice book. It will be complete and informative without scaring the hell out of the newly gestating lady. What advice/information MUST be included?

C’mon mommies and daddies! Now is your chance. Dish!

Yo-ho!

…a pirate’s life for me!

In Pirates of the Caribbean 4, Johnny Depp will be replaced. I know, the thought is absolutely scandalous. But this replacement is amazing and (dare i say) cuter than that sexy beast, Johnny Depp.

Daniel Quinn IS the new Captain Jack Sparrow. Just ask him. He’ll tell you as he swings his sword and declares, “I am Captain Jack Sparrow!“

OMG, I can’t believe he agreed to wear this. Hopefully this Halloween and trick or treating won’t end up like last year’s.

broken, schmoken

Okay, perhaps I am pretty much useless in a neonatal intensive care unit with a broken finger right now. I can’t exactly accomplish a three minute scrub with my finger splint and I certainly don’t want to share my bugs with the sick babies. But I can paint my bedroom…with a little help from Bill.

before (May 2006)

after

You should see how buff my right arm is now. It’s almost as hot as my new, grown-up bedroom furniture.

a circus tent divided

Conversation overheard recently in a local bookstore between the Ringmaster and the Master Juggler.

Look honey! Here is Obama’s book. I should get this for you!

You buy that and I will get you this (holding up Ann Coulter’s latest).

Bite me!

Right here? Now?

No, later.

Okay, it’s a date.

I love the fact that we can be so different and still love each other. Life is certainly never dull here under the Big Top. Thank goodness I am stuck with him!

throwing stones

I’m not the one throwing stones, Maxim magazine is with their recently released list of the Top 5 Unsexiest Women Alive. Yes, I checked. I had to make sure that I wasn’t on that list.

I’m not

::::whew!!!!::::

But in all seriousness I wonder who is the grand poo-bah that gets to decide who is on this list? Really! If I am to believe the experts on what is hot (whom I suppose are uber-hawt themselves) it would seem that motherhood and matrimony just don’t don’t mix with sexy. Does this mean that the party will soon be over for Halle Berry?

This is why I tell my girls all the time that boys stink. These boys definitely do.

Seriously, guys be careful about throwing those stones!

So what do y’all think?

as good as it gets

My neighbor across the street is more than ready for Halloween with her house decorated with pumpkins, scarecrows, black cats and lots of spooky lighting. I’m ready too with bags of butterfingers, almond joys, reeses peanut butter cups and m & m’s. But apparently I am not ready enough. Daniel declared his disappointment that our house wasn’t “pretty” for Halloween like our neighbor’s.

Okay, fine. How’s this, son?

I’m afraid that this will have to do as our time and money has been focused on some home improvement projects.

Clearly we are in the minority. But at least we have good candy for the little goblins who come trick-or-treating in a few days. I’m afraid that this year this will have to be as good as it gets.

dinnertime!

The dinner was delicious and offered rather entertaining conversations as always. Still I must say that the preparations were even more entertaining.

Here are parts 3 and 4.

Do you still doubt that life here isn’t a circus? Still I wouldn’t have it any other way.

what’s for dinner?

I know everyone is wondering what’s for dinner tonight here under the Big Top.

Me too.

There is no school today thanks to teachers’ inservice.

Whoo-hoo!!

This means the Big Top is loud and rather chaotic with the kids and friends hanging out. Me, I’m waiting for five o’clock so I can have pear martini.

But seriously, the girls are being total sweethearts cleaning the kitchen and making dinner tonight before they head off to their school’s football game with the cross-town rivals. Yeah, they want something and yeah, I am taking advantage of that fact. So what’s for dinner tonight? Click on the videos below and find out.

Mmm-mmmm!!! I can’t wait!